first one down....of many

today i finally turned in my first scholasrship and it was so long and stressful. ok more like it was a long process actually. its the RMHC scholarship and first place winner get $100,000. ya i know that it national so its a small chance that i can get it, but o well, even the runner up prizes and and money is better than nothing. ooo my parents are watchin DEVIL so i think ima go watch it too. i love watching movie that are about inhuman entities...creepy huh? well ttyl!
--lexis
ps srry bout the small blog =/

im overwhelmed!!!!!!!

i definately gotta vent here this week. i guess im just exhausted of homework, especially ap biology hw.  so we started school on the 5th, and its the 18th. within the 9 school days we've been here, we've gone through 3 chapters! its like one day is one chapter and then we jump to the next chapter...like what the hell?! how are we supposed to learn? i hate the pdf's that we have to do, omg they r like 50 questions tht we have to do, and besides that, we have to do bookwork as well! o and we gotta randomly do these worksheats that are so LAME!!!!!! on top of tht, i got ap lit and ap calc... thankfully mr. mcCullough isnt as crazy as mr. white for giving homework. and calc comes easy to me, so its not bad at all. but bio is booooooring and its a whole lot!!!! so ya, i just feel so overwhelme and hardly have time to do stuff for college, something tht is way more important than all this rediculus homework! sigh* i feel better
--lexis

what to do...what to do!!!!

I was recently faced with a hard decision, and i guess you would call it a life-changing decision but ironic it was decided upon with simply two words.  but as usual, in order to tell the story you have to go to the beginning.  well here the part that ii tell you about my personal life.  As some of you know, i have a wonderful boyfriend that i have been with for over two years.  He's two years old than i am and for those of you who know him, you can most likely agree with me that he's the kind of guy of is a keeper; he's amazingly smart, has high dreams and goals, attractive and we have the greatest chemistry, and over-all a great person to be with.  honestly, i can see our relationship last a super long time, im talking alot of years.  I'm more than happy with him and i know he is extremely happy too.  He's currently going to UOP and studying in computer science and physics, ya nerdy... i know...lol.  To be honest, he's super intelligent that he had the ability to go to a UC, but secretively stayed local because of me, cute huh? We'll for most of us senior, we're heading to college really soon.  My dreams are to be accepted to UC Davis and attend there, but with all the budget cuts, acceptance is becoming harder and harder.  It has gotten to the point that i become very doubtful in getting in.  yes, my grades are skyhigh and currently #12 in our class, i have recieved tons of community service hours, and i've tried my hardest to keep my grades up, but my ACT and SAT scores are not quite the greatest, nor are they good in my definition because of the reading portion.  My subject tests are great though, purely because they are math and science.  I fear that i wont be accepted because of my SAT and ACT scores.  So came up with this plan and it seemed decent.  If i didnt get accepted to Davis and had to go to Merced, Long Beach, or Irvine, i'd instead go to a csu or community college to get my GEs done.  It seemed great, for one, my family is expecting another addition by another sister, so id be able to help. two, it'd be cheaper, and three id get to be with my boyfriend until he graduated and then i can transfer to Davis while he went to a graduate school in Sac area.  But here were the cons: one, i will admit, my ego would not be happy that i went to a csu or community college. two, id constantly question whether im doing this because i want to or am i just limiting myself by staying close. Three: id be at home, and i feel like i want to be independent and if i attended a UC, id have to eitherway. forth: my parents have always told me that education comes first, so by doing this im only slowing myself down. fifth and most importantly: i dont know whether id be happy with my decision if it was too late. i know there's other reasons that are against this idea but these are my main ones.  it was hard, i felt like i wanted to tell my mom this plan, yet i felt like disappointment was just waiting for me.  Was it love that is holding me back? answer: probably. then i keep reminding myself that if what my boyfriend and i have is true serious love, then im sure him and i can survive being far for two years.  ya, that my independent-strong-female thinking, but behind that i feel weak at the knees and the what if's begin to pop up. i hate the "what if" thoughts. Lucky, i was at the councelors office yesterday and i ran in to mr. eckerle and he told me that the deadline passed for csu.  Yep, those were the two words "deadline passed" that gave me sudden relief from this entire idea.  But now that im typing this, i realized that i just said i was "relieved" when he told me. Now im wondering, does that mean subconsciously i truly didnt like the plan? that i knew i wanted to go to a UC and settle for nothing less? i guess so huh? and as i come to the end, a friend's quote repeats in my head, "wind makes the fire grow." and ya, you my friend, you know who you are.
--lexis